This is me accepting that we’ll still be in each other’s lives but not necessarily involved in it. We’ll see each other and make small talk but we won’t share the details we used to share or trust each other with our deepest secrets or ask each other for advice.
This is me accepting that we’ll forgive each other but we’ll never forget. There will always be this cloud hovering over us when we talk, there will always be this memory of the night things changed and there will always be this voice inside our heads reminding us of the words we said that we can’t take back.
This me accepting that you won’t be there for every occasion, every milestone, every high and every low. This is me getting used to your absence, getting used to celebrating life without you. This is me getting used to depending on anyone other than you.
This is me accepting that you won’t be the first person I call when things go wrong. You won’t be the person who will protect me or make me feel safe. This is me getting used to fighting alone. This is me getting used to walking alone at night without waiting for you to lead the way.
This is me accepting that our communication will be limited and shallow. That our interactions will be flat and dry and our smiles will be fake and perfunctory. This is me getting used to drawing a line between us, this is me getting used to the new boundaries that you can no longer cross.
This is me accepting that life will go on without you, it will still make sense, it will still have meaning and it will still be beautiful. This is me getting used to finding pleasure in the simple things and making new memories. This is me tearing the perfect picture I had in mind for us — this is me taking new pictures without you in them.
This is me accepting that our connection will always be disconnected, our love will always be broken and our bond will always be frail. This is me getting used to being alone. This is me learning how to find my own worth away from you. This is me acknowledging that I’ll always be enough for me even if I wasn’t enough for you. 233livenews.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/tc_mar-13.gif” alt=”TC mark”>
Rania Naim is a poet and author of the new book All The Words I Should Have Said, available here.