Hassan Whiteside Launched A Full-Scale Investigation Into The Mysterious Death Of A Parrot

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Everyone loves a good police procedural, whether it’s the more formulaic network stuff like Law & Order and the various CSIs, or the grittier investigatory work of prestige television shows such as The Wire and True Detective.

Either way, once we’ve finished watching a good cop drama, we like to fancy ourselves amateur sleuths when it comes to the more mundane mysteries of our everyday lives, like which one of my dirt-bag roommates has been drinking all my milk again or which neighbor keeps stealing my morning paper (we know it’s you, Ray).

For Heat center Hassan Whiteside, when a dead parrot turned up on his lawn over the weekend, he launched a full-scale murder investigation on his Snapchat in his own real-life episode of CSI: Miami.

Whiteside does his due diligence by first questioning a few potential witnesses (i.e. his tropical fish), followed by some preliminary forensic work at the scene that included examining the victim’s body for foul play, checking the walls for blood spatter and determining time and cause of death.

Whiteside clearly knows that the first 48 hours are the most critical in determining whether a case will go cold, but with very few clues to go on, he’s is going to have a hard time clearing this one off the board.


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