Today I write this article to all with joy and regrets to what I have lost in these past years I have lost to a very bad habit. MASTURBATION.
How it all began.
I was only seven years old,we were five in the family,i am the 3rd child. I had two elder brothers above me. My eldest brother,who happen to be a lecturer now was more of a problem child,then he was very stubborn,he stole,from my parents and even from my neighbours,it was so bad that then. My parents tried their best but to no avail.
One afternoon,he came home when my parents wasn’t around as usual,he took me to the parlour and ask me to watch him. He then brought out his joystick and masturbated,i saw sperm for the first time. I never knew anything about sex,because I was just seven. After he left,i was still wondering”what is the meaning of what he did”. Now I believe that demons can multiply in a man. We all knew then that he steals,but now he has added mastubation.
Two days after,i decided to try it. I did.(tears) it felt good. I continued,everyday,later 3 times a day,before I knew,it became a strong habit,it was like I was under some spiritual influence. It got so bad that whenver the urge comes,anywere I am,even in the church,i wud look for a corner to please myself and masturbate.
I masturbated from my early primary school till I finish tertiary,there was no dat I didn’t masturbate at least 8-10 times daily. I hated girls,hated relatinships,infact then when I see any girl I like,i ll just go home,imagine her face,and masturbate.to me I have slept with her. I could masturbate even in a cab,on benches in the farm,mum’s shop etc.
Everyone saw me growing up,a s an innocent boy,b ut no one knew what I was passing through. As I grew older,i started making enquiries about it. I discovered it was a sin before God,a nd it was harmful to my health,my eyes went blur,i loose so much weight,e ven when am weak,i masturbate.
Later in my teens,i t bacame a form of cure to depression,wenever am depressed,i masturbates,t hen slept off. I was a very active brother in the choir,i was made the choir director twice. Everyone loved me,but I was dying slowly. During the year 2000,i swore never to do it anymore,b ut wen the urge comes,it overcomes me,and I yeild.
Later in life whenver I do it(masturbates) I felll guilt afterwards,i felt dirty. Then I knew I had to change.
During the year 2000, i met a friend who recommended one of Bimbo Odukoya book “how to overcome masturbation”. I read it, and for about 3 days I stopped,then it started again.
The year 2000,i just entered JSS1, things grew worse for me, liTtle things arouse me. Sexually, yourself things like female pants.
At times I wonder if God ll ever forgive me. I could remember a day I masturbates in my class,on the desk early morning before assembly, i wasn’t scared anyone would come in to get me. It was an evil urge. I carried this burden till 2014. I accepted it as my lifestyle, because it seem impossible to get rid off. I lost weight,spiritualy I became demoralized,i hated myself.
2014 came, I forced myself into a relationship, i got a girlfriend, i wanted to use her as a substitute, it didn’t work,then I knew it wasn’t just something I could leave so easily. So I read somewhere, a man said”the best way to stop a habit is to adopt a new one”. So I engaged myself, i Went onboard ship to work,(am a mariner),to distract myself,but it wasn’t possible.
Till I came to work in portharcourt,i heard a woman on radio called mummy,she always advices on cool fm. I told her,she ask me to come over,that day I told her all,i cried and cried,because I wasn’t ashame to tell her(afterall she don’t know me) after much counselling,i was told when I feel the urge,i should tell myself aloud.”i won’t do it”. I started it.
On the 25th day I masturbated,i called her,she didn’t condemn me,instead she praised me,and ask me to start again. This time,i was determined,because nothing was working for me,it was like something tied my finances. Even my friends told me,because I was the best in my Dept.
I started again. I was scared at first,later I stayed a month.
Just llike some persons said,i have wasted a lot of sperm. I know,i understand. I saw it all.
My problem now is guilt,something always told me I may not have a child in future,sort of.i know is guilt anyways.
The important,is that God delivered me. Now I see what I have been missing. I nolonger admire those things. I got a girl. I call her My Gift. She took in,gueSs what? God gave us twins,i wanted to do an abortion but when we discovered it was twins,i told her to leave it,i call my siblings,they assisted me. Got the dowry paid,and did the traditional rites. Now she’s 7 months pregnant.
I type this in tears,regrets but in everlasting joy. He delivered me. And anyone going throgh this,just be strict and discipline. You ll overcome. Thanks for spending time to share in my testimony. That my elder brother is now a Pastor @ the REDEEM CHRISTIAN CHURCH,a lecturer,and also happily married. I bet he didn’t knw the damage he caused in my life. I forgive him.even as God forgave me.
God bless you all.
Story from Nairaland