Don’t buy marriage with sex – Counselor Adofoli

Marriage comes before sex, marriage comes before children, and marriage comes before kissing.

When you meet someone and he or she is not concerned about marriage but only interested in sex, children, kissing, then you have met someone who is ready to use you but not ready to love you.

You need a farm to cultivate a plant, you need a job to earn a salary, you need a TV set to access a channel; it’s not the other way round. You are a thief anytime you go to harvest from a farm which doesn’t belong to you even if it has no owner. You are a thief if you earn salary without working.

We were raised never to steal, never to take what doesn’t belong to us. We were taught to choose integrity over money and to choose what is right over what is easy. So it should be hard for us to behave otherwise. But strangely people easily have sex with others they are not married to.

Having sex with someone who is not your wife or husband is equal to stealing or using what is not yours. ‘I want to own this’ is not the same as ‘I own this’. You have nothing to lose if you do things the right way. You will earn blessings and maintain your dignity and self-respect.

Anytime you agree to give someone sex, a child or a kiss without them being married to you first, you are just telling them you are available to be used not to be loved.

The only proof that one loves you is when he or she is ready and patient to get married to you first. Let them fall in love with you not what they want to get from you. If they are in love with you, they will stay with you whether they get sex, child or a kiss. Your heart is what they are after, the rest are just bonuses.

If they don’t want to talk about marriage but are interested in talking about sex, then they just see you as sex object. And whatever we use loses it efficiency with the passing of time. If they are married to you because of sex, what happens if your organ losses it efficiency?

Human beings easily get bored with using one thing for a longtime, so what if they see someone new? The truth is, only love sees the old as new every day, only loves sees the ugly as beautiful every day. If they are not in love with you, you will expire with time.

If you want a marriage there is no need giving sex to anyone who makes it clear to you they are not interested in marrying you. It is a worthless endeavour to sacrifice your dignity and self-respect for anyone who clearly demonstrates that you will never be important to them.

You are important to them when they are ready to get married to you, for the bible says the two shall become one. Nobody wants to become one with what is not good. In other words, if they are not interested in getting married to you then they are just saying you are not good to be with.

In conclusion “Do not let sin have power over you. Let good have power over sin!” – Romans 12:21 (NLV).


Counselor Frank Adofoli